Not So Great Any More!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've never felt the way I  do right now I feel like some one just took a hold of my hart and ripped it out of my chest but that doesn't matter to any one but me. I feel like the world was just dropped on me and I'm struggling to hold it up it just gets heaver and heaver. Now my dreamers and my hart have been stepped on more then once they just keep on stepping on my and it makes me feel like there is nothing left to stay around for any more so. I have nothing at all no boyfriend , I have no life to live, and it seems like every time I try I don't do it the right way so I try again and still seem to never do it the right way and I just candor it any more I just don't know any more. Then at lunch I got in yelled at for some stuff but that brings you right back to I can't seem to do any thing the right way.I'm not able to keep myself together any more I'm falling to peace and I can't put me back together. I'm to the point wear I just don't want to come to school any more or go to Berkeley Springs again but if I do that I can't play basketball. I can't not play basketball I've got to it something I have to do.  I mean I love Andy but not the way I  use to though and now like I said I have nothing now but then I come a crost that I like Andrew R. to but I can't have him because he has a girlfriend and I like this other guy named Russell but hes 9 years older then me so.

wow this weekend was fun

Well on Friday night I went and I stayed with Katie and we died our hair then we talked to Jordan  on Myspace then we was eating candy by that time it was like 2:00 in the mroning then we talked about stuff like boys then by time we where done talking it was about 3:00 in the mroning.Then I got up at about 8:00 in the mroning and my family and I went to a volleyball game in Morgantown and when we got there it was snowing. Well there I am sitting there watching the volleyball game and texting Russell and there is this guy that was on the boys basketball team and I was going to ask him if I could have his cell number but then my mom came over and said something to him so I couldn't look at him the rest of the game. Well this Russell i'm talking about he is a fire fighter in Brekeley Springs he is 25 years old and, me and him are like best friends and, me and Russell we got each others backs he picks me up when i'm down. But then you got Andrew and hes 17 but hes 2 monthes older then me. Andrew he like there even no he lieves in Brekeley Springs he is a fire fighter to and its so cool that I have a 2 friends that I know that  if  i'm  hurt they will be there to help me and even no i'm not a fire fighter I would do any thing to help them. Today  is going great I have talk to so mine people that I haven't talk to in for ever and that is Chris and his brother now I don't talk about Chris to much but he is my brother and I love him.

Awesome

Today is the greatest day every and I have no one to tell me what to do YAY. Now i'm in Child Care and Parenting and it going good. Then i'm going to 20/21 and I  have a test in there I think I will do good on that test I usually do but. Then I am going home and then i'm going to call my friend from Berkeley Springs him name is Andrew  we've been friends sence the First grade he is really cute I would ask him to be together with me but he has a girlfriend but me and him are tight so. Then after I get off the phone i'm going to do some Math home work and so Chemistry I really don't like that chemistry is an online calss it just to not ease to do. After I doing  homework  i'm going to eat dinner and take care of the dogs and the cat. Then i'm going to ask my mom if i'm aloud to go to a friends house and stay the night with her my friends name is Katie. After that we are going to watch movies for most of the night I would say all night but we never make it all night.Then tomarrow i'm going to watch the girls volleyball game in morgantown thats going to be somuch fun  and i'm going to ask mom if  Katie can go with use then see if I can stay with her again and if that don't work we are going to see if she will let Katie stay with my.

OMG

My house is so old my sister and me just cleaned a lot of water off the floor and it was not fun at all but it was kinda fun i guess.Then we cleaned behind the dogs pens and it was ewww back in there. There was so much to do today and I sleeped most of the day. Yestroday was a bad day and now my body is just acking and my face is acking and i'm thinking about going to take a nape now.

Volleyballs over and now Basketballs starting

Well this sucks we lost our the game and now Volleyball is over and Basketball is on its way I don't no what to do. I don't know I really just think i'm going to say  good bye to basketball and do what I have been waiting to do for a verey long time. Even no I just  about did that Yestorday  but I didn't because I wanted to play in the game so i held it in and I held myself  back. So I thought I would be able to tell him that I just can't do it any more but theres something thats in my way I just don't know what it is thats in my way. It could be that I just love him so much or that there is just nothing left to do with myself any way. But I think that its just that I love him and I can't loss him.

boring

So Friday really sucked I had a bad day there just to much going on to be able to deal with all this stuff. Well then I got to Volleyball and I just couldn't get a brake there then i when a friend to stay the night with her. Then I went home about 11:00 on Saturday and then went and seen my pappy and hes not doing so great but  it was nice to be able to see him. After that we went home and got ready for Trick or treating  and that was so much fun all but i should have walked around by myself because I knew that something was going to happen. I just didn't want my friends to be put in the middle of it but i guess that didn't happen the way I wanted it to.Then i'm glad I didn't start that fight down at the store there was a lot of cops around that night so think god I didn't.Well then today wow it is just ugh ugh ugh I wish I could have just stayed at home it just can't get better at all thing have hit the fan here with me to day but i'm keeping controll of myself though so thats good i guess but I can't do it much longer so it not going to be cool.We have a game hope we winn.